in 2002 i wrote this poem outside of myself. looking at myself from the view of a friend i had. some people have issues with drug induced writing. this poem was not written while on mushrooms, it is from the point of view of a mushroom experience. the event never happened. but parts were inspired by real things and people. iam pround of this poem for my honesty and way of expressing what i could say. i have changed since the poem, because of the poem. i do not know the other people in this poem now. last i heard they were struggling with demons as well. but for a moment we embraced each other and believed healing on that path was possible.
the art piece( cannot call it a painting) was the spewing of things i was thinking about at that time in my life.
at that time in life i was embracing chaos. i had stopped trying to control it and just went with it. since then i strive for balance. i accept that chaos is. how i respond to it has changed.
i am also scared about publishing it. but that is what this blog is about.
naked with two others
9 of grails
an epic expression
I’ve only been in the 2nd city of Atlantis for a short time. There are moments that I still remain in amazement that I made it this far. Roughly a year and one half ago
I called out.
To anywhere. Somewhere. I needed a teacher. Someone to teach me how to get out of this suburban swampland.
out of swamp grows the lotus.
One did… and she brought me here to other shore of the stolen continent so I could learn more.
Davi meets me in the golden park. Hands over a bag of chips. Tells me to eat. I’m not real hungry, I’m thinking. About askin’ him.
Davi’s a monk in the traditions I’m studying.
I need him to teach me everything.
He’s looking at me holding the bag.
Smirking.
inside, are beautiful paynes grey mushrooms.
We’re sitting under a tree while I’m eating.
Listening to this tale he’s wrapping around me.
A space two dimensions or more to the left is an orphaned kingdom.
Twins had ruled the space. A boy and a girl.
The prince and princess were brother and sister to those who lived there.
Neither king nor queen. Simply mentors to guide the prince and princess. And when they died together (always on the same day) they would be born again as twins and the kingdom would grow with them again.
The helix kept moving.
At some point they disappeared.
The kingdom is in perpetual mourning.
A slave vessel kidnapped them to our realm.
They have been reborn here before.
She is the 6th generation here.
She is the prince.
Her princess Tapestry found the portal
and Donnie Darkkoed deep.
Our job is to heal her wounds so she may have strength to make the journey through the Dark Backward
Daat
Daath
Dagda
Death
When he, the princess Tapestry, dwelled in this city before, there was a regal tone to things.
When she, the prince Nikti, joined him here the hue got richer.
For those of us who could not penetrate the princess we could enter the honeyed mooned garden of the prince.
It was not that they look alike, it is that they feel alike.
They were in search of us who can heal the battle worn.
Both stumbled into the arms of mistaken messiahs.
They traveled far down the river de’Nile.
The Princess Tapestry found a Milesian Shiva priest just in time
they made a great escape from this stolen continent
To the Ire eyes
The land with the Galway Glow
The prince required a bit more training
Unfortunately
During a lucky pressure movement
The princess attempted a karmageddon tantrika Edith spill
The 2nd Ganges slide home
Say, say oh playmate.
The princess Tapestry understood about assassins
The prince Nikti did not.
So in this realm he
She
Nikti
Is roaming alone.
The shrooms… all gone
I know he’s talking about our girl. I know she gets lonely in a strange way. I watched her morph into all kinds at the hands of her Shiva Priest Raw Dale.
She hooked me with tools for multiverse experiences.
Hearing the grass moan I feel
Prepared
Davi’s smirking at me again
“you’ll never be 100% pure love… close though… and what more can we ask? A vessel, which can take it all. A Geni Girl Sufi Whirl.”
Wise words hang between us.
How long have we been walking? Where are we? Haight and Masonic… how very… real.
He’s telling me about my special training for tonight. We enter a classic SF flat. My ears immersed in colors I have never tasted together.
bitter
sweet
swaying
in the corner
she’s moving
to roni size
I&I
becomes
i&i
her beauty has jagged truth
butterscotch flesh
witch hazel
eyes
screaming rapes during and after slavery
kamikaze geni antigone
KGA
the tao of now
TAPESTRY
TAPESTRY
TAPESTRY
Yeah so we’re all here. In this room. Davi, setting down a tray. Loudly. The recessed lighting blows blue-white ideas.
All the harmonics that ever breezed through me have returned. To this moment.
“enter the center of the storm with size”
absinthe
a toast
to us
all
can you hear them?
smashing pumpkins boy!
listen close
closer
that’s what we always wanted
that’s what all the songs are about
returning
to
us
primitive reason
some of us
fusion
experience the truth of us
what does it look like
feel like
taste
smell
audio files for
smashing pumpkins
?
cleansing
“today is the greatest day I’ve ever known, can’t live for tomorrow”
the bathroom crawls with stone
the two snakes spew warm water
Davi guides us under the showering
he’s speaking of malkuth
he’s speaking of earth
she is sitting on the stone
“I’ll tear my heart out before I get out”
Davi crouching before her
scrubbing
feet
calves
behind the knee
his carpenter hands kneading her flesh
i’m crouching now
i work a lather between her toes
in the arch of her foot
the foot that treads the earth
that receives all the energy first
roots of her tree
slide over ankles
back down the top of the foot
all these tiny bones
delicate
stems
support all above
“today is the great day I’ve ever known”
waves from my forearms grind into her shins
she is flexing under us
she is expanding
i’m breathing through my palms
grasping her thighs
suds become dirt
dirt i’m grinding back into her molecular structure
her hips are cracking with her ribcage implosion
breasts swelling lava fairy kisses
the miracle voicebox
that leads to her mouth
breathing through the
nose
feeling through the eyes
plantation green
soil
earth
mother
grind into this battle worn
geni
girl
girl
grrrl
queendom
her sheba queendom
“i’ve tried so hard to cleanse these regrets”
Davi agrees
I cleanse the left
The feminine side
He the right
The masculine
The prince
Our girl Nikti
Fusion
Union
setting
“ i use to be a little boy”
I’ve never seen a california king bed
brick fireplace roaring
massive mirror on the mantle
views = rich gardens of city and lights
liquid wall
mirrored wall
the bed extends through it
I can see my other self.
“I send this smile over to you”
Davi is laying her upon white down
We now lay the Foundation
Davi is whisper
#9
what is the goal?
if we understand the goal we can understand what is needed for a foundation
the independence to think and dream
to experience an ada/io/hathor movement
to become human again
Davi pours oil into her skin
rubbing whispers to us
“disarm you with a smile”
during the last time of union our prince worked a store down the road
zoa
everyday she burned a scent to heal the healers
she added her energy freely
frankincense
lavender
orange
slip and slide fingers
touch her now
my breath
becoming
easy
“what I choose is my voice”
with each breath i become invisible…with my faith in the flesh i inhale…with the faith
i will exhale
create the inner alter
my cup rhinnon with blood
the quartet of alter aunties
Kali Isis Yemaya Bast
are the yesod for my offerings to
the Myriadal Spectrus
“the killer in me is the killer you”
send this smile over to you
Dosage
landslide
Davi’s leaning against that liquid wall
Nikti rests against his chest
Her left arm mid gesture
My head now in her lap
He becomes her throne
She becomes her Hedwig
regal from war torn sites
her castration mislabeled
hysterectomy
mercury hod rising
truth sayer
he, the monk that has become her throne, he administers the medicine
swirling Buddha semen slams down lungs creative and formless
he knows what she needs
yes needs.
“I’ve been afraid of changing because I built my life around you”
TAPESTRY
So the ? is how to get her where he needs to go
1st lets go chemically
we understand that due to her history we will have to continue on with current re-imprint process and with bridges built to other molecular structures she is communicating with.
What is mercury? Is it that silver liquid in thermometers or is it communication?
Both you say.
What is beyond both?
What is her re-imprint process at the moment.
Due to long term childhood rapes/molestation’s
Pleasure and Pain models completely fused together
Which ever switch in that fuse box you flip you will be flipping the other as well.
She can go beyond labeled emotions
Go to the root of emotion = feel every thing at once and for all
That is where she Needs to go to get to where she is going to reach Him
So the dosage must be appropriate
organic mind is her mercury mind
removal of reproductive organs is
castration
how does this effect her during emotional
which are also chemical
fluctuations in the body
narcotics are for those who have the capacity to escape
she hasn’t this illusion
hallucinogens provide her with heightened sensory experiences
so she may embrace her true self
mushrooms = our base/ Buddha is her base + mushrooms
dosage
more
i can be an angel baby
my bullet clit ready to soar within once my butterfly wings grow with glory
i fuse the art of organic expression with the truth of this corrupt world
with a Venus understanding of love in mountain pose
lords of acid truth of rough sex love is the answer
splendor of the mind
lighting her bowl I’m wondering what are real angels like? do they live in thoughts memes
are her angels here?
can you taste the copper in her blood?
we all curl up together
sharing smoke
breath and thought
her longing for a lost winter in the desert
“the world is a vampire sent to drain secret destroyers hold you up to the flames and what do i get for my pain betrayed desires and a piece of the game even though i know all my cool and cold-like old job despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage”
will you taste the copper in our blood?
her longing turns to girly crush cycle
Davi peaks of netzach
of firm intelligence
4 Sufi swirl above us
one desires us to know
one desires us to love and be loved
another one desires for us joy
and the other one desires for us peace
raja gnana karma bhakti hatha tantra kriya
kissing the smoke into her mouth I chew her lip fruit
sensations of copper course down my throat
Davi is laughing
She is smiling
licking blood she offers me smoke
I inhale with the faith I will exhale
angels have been orphaned too
we can be nephlims in our hearts
in our minds
in our bodies
chemically speaking
inside out
1979
was a good year for her
it was a beginning of ideas manifesting for the 1st time
ideas such of love
all the things that come to mind in an 8 year old in the season of love
an 8 year old dealing with the rejection from her lover
well it’s the truth damn it! He said He did those things because he loved me. And if I loved him the way he showed me everything will be wonderful. And then it
stopped
Davi is massaging her legs open. He murmurs of cherry blossoms and rain swept afternoons. Of dancing around singing off key, not caring.
Her head in my lap now I stroke soft petal flesh
throat groans rumble
now
under my finger tips
nail my heart in your mind
stroke me home
richer rumble rises
up my arms
riding
my shoulder
racing
through the chest
to that pulsating blood gorged
pomegranate
unified
in a 4th dimensional slip
ripping rumbles now
his hand has disappeared inside
muscle in his forearm let me understand he is
soul spelunking
he is after that
goddess spot
that lives in all women
so even if our clits or minds are mutilated we can still experience
a gasp in unison
three feed the tree
light
so, so light
singing with air
the peyote song her Shiva Priest Raw Dale discovered in her
he had told me of that healing story
healing of the 1st non family member rape
so effortless the song
like youth
experiencing the song through touch
I wish I had more sense
You do
You have 7 more to develop
12 in total
feel me more
my palms ride down her body to her sacred garden
I’ve known her in many ways. Never inside out though.
Yoni Oasis
That’s what she calls her garden
withdraw on the exhale
fix on her eyes
they’re clear
crystal baby
never the 1st
always the 2nd
sometimes the 3rd
thought one thrust
thought two ease
thought three ask
easing in
shots of purple imbed in veins
her shell is bark creaking with each centimeter of me
metal arms
nail
nine inches
into that
beauty
David Starry Eyes sears my forehead
i will not be a king solomon and destroy this sheba realm
nine inch nails become golden amber shafts
the sun erupts behind her
a prince can be Jesus’ son
she cracks herself more towards me in surrender
the unbearable lightness
sings again
i surrender to her
the liquid wall washes away
i do and do not have shape
we are crying
for the missed childhoods
for the dreams of 1979
roller rink suburban girls
whose skin is not the right shade
for a couples skate
but just fine for genuine
friends
I touch her there
deep
where sum of us get to go
i see myself
Davi has my elbow
Easy
He
Eases into me
Exhale
Withdraw
“nature’s first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold”
open my soul to shine on the innocence mission of beauty
I put this moment
here
leary circuits 3 and 4
beethoven’s 6th
feel
tiphareth
openness
the end
4
now
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